


I hear static when I close my eyes

by EdgyMageName



Category: Alex Verus Series - Benedict Jacka
Genre: Alex doesn't cope well with all the stress, Alex is Mordens Aide, Angst, Comunication is apparently my kink so we will all talk about our feelings and problems, Council Work, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Fluff, Gardening, Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this entire fic exclusively between midnight and dawn, Luna is a literal angel, M/M, Morden is a Dom and nobody can change my mind, Panic Attacks, Sleepless nights, he's so tired someone please let my boy sleep, it's set within canon but like remixed to suit me, or the plot will fall apart, sassy Luna, spoilers for up to #9 Marked
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26226097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgyMageName/pseuds/EdgyMageName
Summary: Alex has so much on his plate. He runs his shop, kind of, actually it's mostly Luna now.He works for the Keepers... kind of, he doesn't really go there because they won't give him work anyways.He is also Mordens Aide, definetely, all day every day, and he's acutely aware of it.Who would have thought getting blackmailed and extorted to work for the very person threatening you would wear on your mental health?It would just feel really nice for someone to take care of Alex for once.-----A/N: Writing this I notice how nobody really talks about their thoughts in the books? I’m one communicative bitch so everybody talks more in this.
Relationships: Morden/Alex Verus, Mordex
Comments: 34
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm winging this title and description here, might change them a bit in the future.  
> I couldn't wait any longer to finally post some of this. I've been writing this fic for 5 months now and just need to share a bit.

Alex woke up from a night of unquiet, unrestful sleep.

It’s been getting worse lately, which didn’t surprise him, given his recent position as Mordens aide and the rather unconsensual way he’d gotten it.

It wasn’t a work day so he didn’t really have anywhere to go, but the room felt oppressive and didn’t help shake the dream. There had been hazy impressions of a changing landscape, like his subconscious couldn’t quite make up its mind where he was. He had felt haunted, like he wasn’t alone and tried to get away from whatever was lurking just out of sight.

Alex shook his head, no point in dwelling on it, he was being watched enough every day in the War Rooms and at his meetings with Morden, council representatives and the Keepers. He decided to head out to see Anne. She was the only one of his friends who was up as early as he was most days. While picking out some emergency items so he wouldn’t be defenceless in case something unexpected happened, he checked the futures to see he would arrive at Annes in time to help her care for her plants, like she did every morning. He almost put on his armour, but decided against it in the end. He had every reason to be paranoid but things looked quiet and Anne wasn’t defenceless either. He probably shouldn’t lean into the paranoia any more than strictly necessary.

-

“You’ve been having nightmares again.” Anne stated. Of course she didn’t have to ask, even without her lifesight Alex probably looked the opposite of well rested. He answered with a sigh and a nod, not looking up from the orchards he was misting with a spray bottle.

“Do you want to talk about them?” She didn’t look at him either, her focus on diluting some plant food in her ewer. This had become kind of a ritual for them, Alex showing up usually on the weekend but sometimes before work too, helping her take care of the apartment jungle Anne cultivated before she opened her clinic. Sometimes they talked, mostly they worked in companiable silence, absorbed in their own thoughts or the simple peace of their work. Alex never had a green thumb before and when he had said so, Luna hadn’t stopped teasing him about how a diviner could forget to water his plants for the whole evening. He’d just never had the mindshare to pay attention to plants between running from Richard, trying to maintain a low profile while watching for potentially lethal danger. Anne had taken the time to explain to him about her different plants, which needs each plant had and how to care for them. Of course he could have picked up on it by checking the futures in which she answered his questions and then done it without her having to explain, but Anne found peace in their routine and it was nice to just have this after being on the run with no stability or source of calm for so long.

“It was nothing specific, just being in a deserted, undefined place but feeling like I’m not alone.” He shrugged. “I’ve had worse, it’s just unsettling. I hope this doesn’t become a big thing again.” It had taken years for the nightmares from his apprenticeship to fade and even then, he had never exactly slept well again.

“Maybe if you practice more with the dreamstone it will get better? It _is_ called a dreamstone, after all.”

Alex nodded but left to get some paper towels instead of answering verbally. It felt like the dreamstone didn’t get him anywhere. He’d managed a connection with it before, but nothing really came of it. He hadn’t been able to establish a link to his friends to communicate in any way.

When it was time for him to leave so Anne could open her practice and Alex his shop, he was feeling a lot better regardless. It wasn’t flashy or exiting but this little respite always made him feel more grounded and ready to face whatever the day, or week, would throw at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love some feedback, in real time I'm already 12k words in :)  
>  ~~Also does anyone know how to set the chapters to 1/? because there is definetely more to come.~~ Thank you to @philomena85 for shooting me a message


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy guys :)

“Although I can see your concern I’d strongly advise to go through with this project.” Morden said, in his tone of perfectly calm, collected confidence. Alex sat next to him in their meeting but could imagine the stare he must give Undaaris too well - that stare of his that seemed to reach right into your soul. Alex did his best to match Mordens look at Undaaris and his aide Lyle. It was quite a bit easier to match Mordens sentiment and behaviour in negotiations than Alex had thought when he started, the unshakable confidence Morden radiated was bordering on stoic. It felt almost good to be on his side instead of the receiving end of it. Of course it wasn’t actually good, he worked with Richard to get whatever their plan was to fruition and that was really bad, actually. But so far Alex hadn’t really seen any of that. It was all just council business, getting proposals through or blocking them, usually about some regulations or budgeting or internal politics. Nothing yet that would overthrow the order of the Light Mage World.

He could see the futures falling into place when the Councillor across the table folded. He kept up the pretence of thinking about it, referencing some of the papers on the table between them but eventually agreed. Alex couldn’t understand what had taken him so long and why he had wanted to negotiate about this matter personally instead of going through his aide. It wasn’t even a bad project, they wanted to establish a registry for mages that enslaved magical creatures. Most of them were as intelligent as humans and as strong as mages, some even more so, and their numbers dwindled towards extinction so there needed to be some kind of control. It was a first step towards preserving magical beings other than light mages. Of course they had to view it hypercritically, since the agenda was pushed by Morden.

Once this agreement finally went through, they wrapped the meeting up rather quickly. After that, they moved to Mordens office to debrief and talk about their further strategy from here. And after that they’d prepare for the upcoming day.

“We should get Almas vote.” Alex tried to keep the frustration out of his voice but failed. “It’s not far off from that magic user registry they’re trying to push, except way less ludicrous!”

Morden looked up from the papers on his desk and smiled slightly. Alex looked away. He didn’t want to amuse Morden.

“I’m surprised how passionate you are about our political goals, Verus. Who’d have thought you’d turn out so well?”

“Not ‘our’ goals.” He tried to shut up then, staring back at his report.

“Seriously though! Just because you’re supporting this they’re blocking it.” He failed.

Morden looked at him steadily, that small smile still on his lips. It just frustrated Alex further.

“I agree, it is quite childish. They are indeed more concerned with blocking my every move than what policies could be beneficial for magical society.”

Alex let his head fall back for a moment, suppressing a groan. This was precisely why he hated light mages almost as much as dark ones. Bastards, all of them.

“Your patience is running a little thin, Verus. Is there something you would like to discuss?” Morden inquired, leaning forward in his chair, his full attention on Alex now.

Alex wasn’t sure how to answer. The futures held no violence or arguments but as usual around Morden, he was too controlled to give much else away to Alex’ divination. He decided on a noncommittal shrug and tilt of his head.

“You and your associates are under my protection, if you are being targeted again I will put an end to it.”

“For once it’s not that” Alex sighed. He rubbed his forehead, partly hoping to relieve the stress a bit, partly to break eye contact. “I’m just not sleeping well lately, is all.”

“I’m sure Miss Walker could help you out with that?”

“I guess, but I don’t want to come running to her all the time. She has her own life. Besides, I don’t like relying on someones constant help. It’ll figure itself out, I’m sure.” With that last sentence he pulled himself upright again and picked up his paperwork, ending this little moment of sharing his feelings with Morden. What a wild concept. He really should start working on this anxiety or whatever was causing this. He knew better than to show weakness to a dark mage.

Through his divination he could see Morden looking at him thoughtfully for another few seconds.

-

“Are you sure you don’t want Anne to fix you up? Make you feel well rested again?” Luna asked, looking at Alex critically.

Alex sighed. “Everybody keeps asking me that. I don’t know. I get that it’s important for me to stay sharp and be recharged so I can react in case someone tries to off one of us again and for the council work and all that. But I don’t like the idea of being only held together by Anne. If I get tired enough sleep will have to come eventually, right? The body should know how to regulate itself. I don’t want it to un-learn how to do this properly by letting Anne fix it every time.”

Luna didn’t look entirely convinced but wasn’t going to press the issue any more. Instead she reached over to Alex’ container of takeout that still had plenty of leftovers. They had gotten some food on their way to the Hearth to spend the evening together.

Luna had decided Alex’ stress came from working too much, so she made an effort to take over the main dealings of the Arcana Emporium, organize movie or game nights and to just hang out. Alex was honestly grateful for her efforts, without them he wasn’t sure he’d have had the energy to keep up regular contact with his friends.

“You wanna stay in the Hollow tonight? We got those new beds and we can make up some constellations for the sky here.” She didn’t say maybe you can sleep better here, away from everything, like she had considered in a few futures. Alex was glad she didn’t, because he wouldn’t have known what to answer.

“That sounds great.” He knew he should be concerned about no phone signal in the Hearth, therefore no messages going through. If anything happened at work and Morden tried to get a hold of him that could be bad. Yet it felt wonderful to think about a long night where he could just unplug from exactly these thoughts.

Sleep had come, eventually. Alex and Luna had stayed up, each laying on their cots several feet apart so her curse wouldn’t be any danger while she slept. They had a tent and a roof on posts to store their things but the weather was never bad in the Hearth so they set up camp for the night in the clearing next to their improvised base. Alex couldn’t remember the last time he had slept under the open sky, if ever. It felt nice to be able to let go of constantly watching his back just for tonight. Luna had talked him through some breathing and meditation exercises until her voice faded and she slipped off into sleep herself. He kept watching the strange, colourful night sky, wondering if there could be this many stars in their world too without the light pollution. It was difficult to imagine.

Drifting in and out of sleep, it was hard for Alex to figure out where his dreams had blended from sleepy thoughts into his subconsciousness. He woke up confused and dazed the next morning, with Luna looking at him concerned from her makeshift bed. His head was filled with impressions of stars overhead, so many and so bright they dipped his dream landscape into eerie light with a backdrop of fading and shifting colours.

“What did you dream? You were twisting and turning all night.” Luna propped herself up on her elbows and pushed some strands of hair out of her face.

“I… I’m not sure.” Alex paused to rub his eyes and collect himself. “The sky was all neon colours, like here but turned up to 11. I was trying to figure out what was happening and Morden showed up. Not really him, but like, you know when in your dream it’s just a vague person shape but you just know who it’s supposed to be? He talked about... some council stuff I think.”

Luna looked torn between amusement, annoyance and trying to be sensitive. “Wow. Real exiting dream about work then?”

Alex breathed out a weak _ha_ before dropping his head back on his pillow. “It doesn’t feel like normal random dreams. I know it doesn’t sound like much but there is always this weird feeling in them. I don’t like it. It feels… weird.”

“Weird like confusing? Stressfull? Wrong?”

“All of those? I don’t know, really unsettling. The crawling under my skin, I’m not alone and something is wrong kind of unsettling.”

“I mean, that explains why you always look like you didn’t actually slept at all after waking up.”

“Hm.” Alex was getting tired of talking about his lack of sleep all the time. Hah.

“So, how is the shop going?” He asked, partly to change the topic, but also because he cared. Since he had to do so much council work in addition to being part of the Keepers he rarely had time to open the shop. Without Luna stepping up and mostly taking it over he’d probably have had to close. The opening hours had already gotten more erratic over the last year or two, but only opening random evenings and unreliably on Saturdays really would have been unsustainable.

“As usual, I think. I had one adept come in that asked about you. Told him it’s my shop now but I’ll provide the same services, just better.” She grinned at Alex’ disapproving face. They started bringing their beds and gear back to the main base.

“Actually, I had some items come in that I’d like you to take a look at. One feels kinda powerful. It’s this little box I have a strong feeling I shouldn’t open.”

“You think it’s your curse keeping you safe?”

“Yes. I’m not really comfortable having it around without knowing anything.”

“Sure. If nothing comes up I was going to be in the shop today anyways.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a long one! Hope you're as exited as I am :)

“How did you get this?” Alex asked with a hint of urgency. He’d inspected the wooden box Luna had shown him in the back of the Arcana Emporium. First he’d taken a look with his magical senses and Luna was right, it was a powerful item. Her curse slid off it when she held it but not in the way it slipped off Arachne. It seemed to writhe, almost curdle, trying to actively get away.

“I’m not sure. I got a delivery of a few one shots and that focus over there. It was in the same box with them. I didn’t order it, it wasn’t listed and the mage I bought from said he’d never seen it before.”

Alex’ brows furrowed even more at that.

“I’ll take a look with my divination. You should get back out there,” he tilted his head towards the customer area “you have customers coming any moment now.”

The bell chimed and Luna was on her way towards the counter. She closed the door behind her so Alex wouldn’t be disturbed. After he was done investigating the item he sauntered over to her, waiting for the other people to be out of earshot.

“It’s an imbued item.” He lowered his voice even more. “A rabbits foot.”

“As in the good luck charm?” Lunas face scrunched up, trying to recall anything she might have heard about something like this.

“That’s debatable. Technically yes, but like with most items this powerful they don’t usually end up being good for their holder.”

“Kind of like my curse?”

“Probably. I’ll have to do some research, I’ve never actually seen one or even known someone who has. Until then,-”

“Make sure nobody gets to it, sees it, hears of it and most of all touches it?” Luna chuckled at his slightly thrown off expression.

“Uh, yes.”

“I’ve been doing this for a while, remember? Maybe it’s good for you, to know what it feels like to have a conversation, but the other person already knows what you’re going to say.” She gave him a good natured smile.

Alex noted how she was smiling so much these days. It was such a contrast to how she was a few years ago when they had met. She was so full of life and enthusiasm.

“You seem content with all this. Despite how dangerous it is.”

“Oh please, let’s not have this talk again. I know it’s dangerous, I know I could probably be safer elsewhere doing other things. I chose this, right here. I like having you and Vari and Anne and Arachne and everyone else. I know all the risks and threats. I’m happy here.”

He had the feeling Luna might have rehearsed this list of her reasons.

“Why?”

That question she hadn’t anticipated. She thought for a moment.

“It feels like I have a purpose. I have a place here. I am more connected to people around me than I ever remember being and I have a place in this community. I’ve always wanted this.”

Alex gave her a smile. It was open and happy for her but with a side of ruefull.

“I used to feel like that.” He looked away. “I’m glad you’re here. I couldn’t have asked for someone better to keep this place going.”

“Okay, now you’re kind of worrying me.” Luna gave him a sharp look. “Alex. I know you always say it’s nothing but if you ever need to talk about something I’m always here, right? I won’t judge you and I won’t try to fix anything unless you ask me to.”

“Thank you.”

They sat in silence for a bit. Luna rang up a customer and when he left, the shop was once more empty except for the two of them.

After a deep breath Alex finally started speaking. Once he did, the words spilled out of him. He had tried to not engage with these thoughts for too long to just let a few out.

“I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore. I feel like all I do is get pushed around. I don’t have the power to change how much of a threat Levistus or Richard are so I have to do what they want me to. The Keepers hate me so I can’t even do anything there and I don’t have the time or anonymity to run this place, both where I could actually make a difference.” He sighed and looked anywhere but at Luna. He didn’t want to see the worry or pity in her face, didn’t want to think about how she wouldn’t worry if he kept it all to himself.

“I just feel like I have worked so hard to make a place for myself and it’s all getting stripped away. I feel so weak. And our great plan to get me more power and become strong enough to stand up to all those threats hasn’t gotten us anywhere either. What if the dreamstone doesn’t want to work with me because it knows?”

“Alex…” Luna pulled her curse away from her hand to squeeze his arm. She didn’t really have to say anything, even just her listening and understanding was nice. Not being alone in all this was nice.

Until she grabbed some papers from the counter and slapped him over the head with them. Alex protested with arms and words the moment he saw it coming, which didn’t stop Luna from doing it anyway.

“See? There we go! That’s more like you.” She nodded approvingly after he’d snatched the papers from her hand. “Not that I don’t understand where you’re coming from,” she continued in a softer tone “but you have never just given up like this. We’ve been through some fucked up shit and you have moved heaven and earth for you. You get frustrated and angry and petty but you don’t just lay down and give up.” She shook her head for emphasis.

“You know who you remind me of? Me, when we first met.” She gestured widely at him and herself before once again going back to a more soothing tone. “I know it sucks to feel like you’re stuck in place with nowhere to go and nothing to do, other than to just take whatever gut punches life deals you. But I’m the best example that that’s not true. You know that. You’ve helped me get here! I shouldn’t be part of mage society at all, I’m not a mage, but guess what? We showed them. And if it’s the dreamstone that’s making you all gloomy I’ll take that stupid rock and shove it up whoevers butt I have to so you can puppeteer them.”

The ridiculousness of that last bit pulled Alex completely out of his own sad narrative.

“Thank you, Luna.” She had actually managed to cheer him up a bit and snap him out of his admittedly self pitying thoughts.

“Like I said, I’m here whenever you need me. But I will not let you give up like that.” She paused, focused for a moment to wrap her curse tightly around herself and hugged him. He squeezed her back, more grateful than he could have ever imagined being for her a few years ago.

-

Alex stared off into space. He knew he should pull himself together, take some notes, watch the other aides, but it was all he could do right now to keep a vague grasp on the futures and stare at this patch of floor several feet in front of him. It was polished hardwood with a nice warm shine to it. It was the same as the floor in Mordens office, presumably the same as all rooms on this floor.

A pair of pumps with small heels stepped on his patch of floor and snapped Alex out of his spacing, back into the present. He looked at Julia, Almas Aide, and suppressed a sigh. She was going to hassle him about the mage registry. Again.

“Verus.”

“Julia.” He inclined his head, hoping the polite gesture balanced out his lack of fake smile. He just really didn’t have it in him today. “How lovely seeing you here. I’m afraid I still can’t offer any support for the registry proposal.”

“I heard you’re cooking up your own version. Trying to look like the good guys after we worked for this for so long, aren’t you?” the venom in her voice was badly disguised.

“It is not the same idea at all. Can I help you with anything else?”

She closed her eyes for a moment at his dismissive tone, swallowing her displeasure, before moving on to the next topic.

“Alma is willing to step away from the Isolationist demands in the non-mage interfacing restructuring, if Morden is going to abstain from blocking our provisionary trading agreement in Sudan. We want it secured before the Reception.”

Alex took a moment to check how Julia would react if he told her he’d have an answer tomorrow and decided against doing so. Well, if playing it passively wouldn’t work he’d have to push back a bit more himself.

“Only she never actually cared for the Isolationists in the first place. If you’re willing to also not push the Directors demands we have a deal.”

She made a face but thought about it.

“You’ll also drop the Scandinavia affair then.” She said after a moment.

“Great.” Alex nodded in approval. “Always a pleasure.”

Julia gave a stiff smile and stalked away. As soon as she was out of sight he dropped his head in his hands to rub his face. He was so tired. At least that was the last negotiation of this council meeting. The doors were about to open. Alex got up and grabbed his papers. He stepped into place to walk by Mordens side before the Councillor had quite stepped out of the Star Chamber. The hiccup in the futures told Alex he had managed to surprise Morden - a rare pleasure - although his control was, as always, excellent and he showed no outward sign of it. Some of the other Councillors and Aides gave them looks as they left the room to head to the office.

Alex was acutely aware of the other mages watching them fall into step organically. He should have made himself wait to come over after Morden spotted him but he had really wanted to leave. Actually he wanted to leave this whole building, Mordens presence and this damn job but this was as close as he could get for now.

They caught each other up on the latest Council developments, then exchanged notes and paperwork to get more familiar with the details. Normally Alex didn’t really mind this part, Morden was a surprisingly good boss. Since he preferred willing employees he cared to talk to Alex on fairly equal grounds, sometimes asking how he would handle certain affairs. Alex was never quite sure if it was meant as a test of his judgement and grasp of the question or to genuinely exchange ideas but normally he almost liked this. It felt like he got to actually do something he was good at. As a diviner his main way to survive was knowing all sides of an issue and having a few solid plans ready. He enjoyed feeling in his element.

Today though Alex had to work hard to keep acting normal. He had dreamt about Morden again. It wasn’t anything especially exiting or terrifying, just the two of them standing together, looking out over some vague mountain landscape in silence. It had felt weirdly intimate and Alex struggled to shake that feeling after waking up. Being in the same room with him only a couple hours later brought that feeling back and it made Alex highly uncomfortable.

Working hard to not avoid Mordens eyes more than normal or shift uncomfortably when they had to get close took Alex’ attention away from other executive functions, he discovered when he accidentally let half his stack of papers sail off the desk while shuffling through them. He stared after them, face falling. Morden watched him. He was about to say something but Alex couldn’t see what it would be. He was painfully aware how his performance must have taken a nose dive lately. Would this be the last straw? Or would Morden just punish him for now, not all of his associates, as a refresher on the terms he had gotten Alex to work with him?

“I am so sorry.” He got up hastily to pick up the papers, briefly fighting with the heavy wooden chair as he tried to scoot it back on the rug, almost tipping it over. He wondered if death magic enabled Morden to sense his quickening heartbeat. For now Morden was only looking at him and the future held no danger, but that could change the moment he made up his mind.

Trying to pick the papers up as swiftly as he could while putting them in the right order resulted in Alex’ hands jerking and shaking. He heard the blood rush in his ears as he willed his hands to still and movements to pick up the pace. Both failed. He tried to focus harder, make up for the time he already wasted, blend out anything else. If he now proceeded to make an utter fool of himself… Everybody can make a mistake or be tired but if he kept on making it worse now Morden might take it as Alex slowing them down on purpose, challenging his authority, pushing boundaries just to see if he could and of course Morden wouldn’t tolerate that as he had demonstrated before – Jesus, how many papers were there? It felt he was picking them up for 10 minutes already and getting nowhere – and what if Morden started with Anne? Knowing what she had been through with a dark mage before, she would be able to anticipate the horror-

“Verus.” Morden didn’t raise his voice but the authority in it made Alex’ head snap around. His breath sounded shaky in his own ears and he wasn’t confident he could trust his voice. He hoped Morden could read the apology in his wide eyes. Alex tried to just get done with the damned papers, abandoning the plan to get them in order and just mushing them all in one disorderly stack. If only he could get a proper breath in, he felt like there was no air left and it made his brain fuzzy, he couldn’t afford to lose more time, make more mistakes, risk all his friends lifes because of this one stupid thing, if only he could get his damn hands to coorperate and stop shaking and crumpling the paper-

“ _Verus. Stop._ ” Morden ´s eyes blazed. “Get up.”

Alex obeyed, leaving the mess on the ground. Terrified to make a wrong move he returned the eye contact, waiting for what came next. His vision was fuzzy but he didn’t dare to blink.

Morden got up and rounded the desk. Alex stood, shoulders rigid, focussed on not flinching as the alarm bells shrilled in his head. He still couldn’t see any violence in the futures but that didn’t mean much in the past. His own frantic breath filled the room. His inner monologue was static noise, incoherent anxiety at his inability to know what would happen next.

Morden put a hand on Alex’ arm and pushed him for a moment until Alex followed the movement. Morden led him to the little couch next to the door that functioned as a private waiting room.

“Sit.”

Alex did. His movements felt mechanic. He couldn’t think over the noise in his head and the panic in his chest. It felt like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room, no matter how hard he tried to breathe. He had really done it now. He couldn’t suck it up and ask Anne to put him to sleep every night cause he was too stubborn to rely on anyone and now he had doomed all his friends and allies and why could he not breathe, he was panting like he had sprinted a mile but he felt worse not better, his arms were shaking and his vision swam in and out of focus, had his punishment already begun, was Morden doing this somehow?

“Look at me.” Morden commanded and Alex did because there was nothing else he could do. It was all in Mordens hands now. His whole body was tense and shaking, not only from his frantic breath.

Morden sat down next to him. They faced each other. Alex noted in a distant part of his mind how close they were.

“Look. At. Me.”

Alex hadn’t noticed his gaze drift off into the distance as his attention was once more occupied by the drowning, suffocating, choking sensation. The sharp voice snapped him out of it, at least for the moment.

“Breathe.”

Alex tried. He recognized it as hyperventilating at last but that didn’t help him slow down. He tried to hold his breath for a bit, just to bounce right back into shallow fast breaths of a drowning man.

Morden grabbed his shoulders and fixed his eyes. 

“Verus. Breathe with me. Breathe in.” He took a deep breath Alex tried to mimic.

“Hold it for a moment. Now breathe out through your mouth.”

Alex’ breath hitched and got caught in his chest but he more or less mimicked that too. He stared into Mordens eyes like they could anchor him.

“Breathe in. Just like that. And out again.”

Alex felt the tight knot in his chest ease a little bit. All he had to do right now was breathe. Just follow Mordens lead. He could do that.

“Breathe in.” Alex matched Mordens breath now. “Breathe out. Good job.”

Morden kept guiding him through another few breaths until the shaking quieted down. Alex sunk in on himself as the tension left his body and now had to look up, despite being taller. He became aware of Mordens hands still on him, holding him but didn’t have the energy to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. He mainly just felt incredibly exhausted.

“You’re okay, Verus.” Mordens voice was so sure of it Alex didn’t think to question it. He nodded, still looking in his eyes and Morden nodded back once, somehow emitting closure. He sat back and scanned the room with it’s papers still covering parts of the floor and most of the desk. It gave Alex a moment to try to collect himself. He fidgeted with his dress shirt collar, then his sleeves, squeezed his eyes shut and took another deep breath. He felt like he should say something, apologize maybe, but he really had no idea what he could even say at this point. He really just wanted to lay down in a dark, secluded room and deal with nothing for a while.

“I think we’re due for a break.” Morden said and got up. When Alex didn’t follow him to the door he spread his arms, inclined his head and looked at him expectantly. “Verus.”

Alex’ body felt extraordinarily heavy but he followed the prompt. Morden held the door for him and navigated him through with a hand on his shoulder.

Morden walked him out of the War Rooms, the building and out into London. Alex let him. He felt too depleted both mentally and physically to come up with anything that wasn’t following Mordens lead, the occasional pressure from his hand on Alex’ upper back to manoeuvre him around corners and sometimes people. It let him ease up on the constant divination and thinking, which was strenuous in a way it hadn’t been since he first learned to control his powers.

Morden didn’t try to have conversation and blocked the few people who might have tried to talk to them. The only times he spoke were short, clear instructions or explanations in a low voice, meant for only Alex. _This way_ , _there is a step_ , _almost there_.

They reached a café by a small park. It was quiet and Alex just started to feel a little more grounded when the waitress came by and asked for their orders. He looked at her slightly overwhelmed, not sure if he could trust his voice already and even then he had just stared at the menu blankly and had no clue what they offered.

“He’ll take a chamomile tea. I’ll have a filter coffee, milk, one sugar. Thank you.”

Morden stayed quiet after that. Alex wasn’t sure if he waited for him to start conversation. If he talked, Morden would engage but it looked like he would otherwise give him more time to recover and collect himself. Alex decided to take advantage of this for now, since he still didn’t know what to think and his mind still had to work through the lingering exhaustion like thick soup. Everything took longer and cost more.

After a while, he actually started to feel calmer, sipping his tea, the silence surprisingly comfortable. Halfway down through the cup he decided they’d eventually have to speak again, and even though he wasn’t sure how to clear the air exactly, he’d have to start somewhere.

“Uhm, thank you.” Alex said, hesitant. His voice sounded quite normal but he cleared his throat anyway. Morden watched him, apparently expecting him to keep going.

“I am aware my performance lately has been worse than expected and I’m, I would like to, uh, my apologies…” he trailed off, addressing the cup between his hands. He wasn’t sure how far to go, should he explain or should he just leave it at this and made sure it got better? Apologizing to a dark mage for weakness, potentially laying out reasons for it went against everything he’d ever learned in the magical society. Yet Alex had the strong feeling there was no way Morden was going to be a danger to him right now.

“Verus.” Just like earlier during his panic attack, Mordens tone although not loud or angry made Alex’ eyes snap up and return his gaze. “You are clearly under massive stress. Of course I don’t know what is happening in your private life but let me make at least this clear: I know you did not willingly disobey or challenge my authority. You don’t have to fear consequences for this situation.”

Something nasty and tight uncoiled in Alex’ chest. He felt his shoulders relax and the carefully crafted, expressionless mask soften. Morden inclined his head minimally.

“Now that this is settled, I do have to respectfully ask, is there something you’d like to tell me?”

“Like what?” Alex asked hesitantly. The futures didn’t help him determine what Morden might want to hear.

“I asked before if you’re in immediate danger, being surveilled, pressured or anything the like. I see it as my duty to make sure you, as one of my closest associates and under my protection, are safe.”

Alex had known this was part of the deal but hearing it again like this took him aback. He never doubted Morden meant what he had said. Somehow hearing him say it like this, in a café, outside of any and all Council settings or dark mage mansions made him feel like Morden took it more personally than as just a show of power, a political calculation. Alex felt somewhat troubled to notice it made him feel good. Way better than only ever being treated as his role in the council, or as the image of what the light mages projected onto him, at least.

“I mean I’m working more than I ever have with the Council job, the Keepers and my shop and on less sleep than I had since I was an apprentice. But I don’t think someone’s out for me right this moment. At least for now, who knows how long that’ll last since there is always someone who comes running looking for trouble.” Alex probed for some humour to diffuse mostly his own tension. While not exactly a smile it earned him a subtle amused spark in Mordens eye.

“You would think with the reputation and body count you’re racking up it would deter them.” Morden said thoughtfully.

Alex grimaced a bit pained. “It’s not like I’m trying. They’re just not leaving me a choice. I only ever tried to stay out of the magical world but every single side was determined to drag me back in and make me choose between my life and theirs. So I guess after a certain point…” he stopped himself when he realized he was about to say _that’s on them_. He certainly wasn’t down with how much this sounded like it came from a dark mage.

“Well, you are here now, and I for one respect your extraordinary resourcefulness and will to make it this far.”

Alex shrugged noncommittally. Although it was a compliment, he didn’t like the feel of it. He never tried to “make it this far”, unless by “this far” Morden meant “alive”.

They sat in silence again. Alex had almost finished his tea. He started pondering what he was actually doing here. It felt surreal to just chat with Morden, in general but also after the extraordinary embarrassment of having a goddamn panic attack at work, in front of him. Even more surreal that Morden didn’t seem to mind one bit and had instead been really helpful.

“I think it won’t be very productive to try and keep working this afternoon. You must be quite exhausted.”

“Oh, I…” Alex wasn’t sure what to say. Again. He was quite content with getting the afternoon off, but uncomfortable with just accepting it. “This helped. The tea and the just sitting here for a bit.”

Morden actually smiled. It was a very fitting smile, brief and narrow, but definitely there.

“You should eat something when you have the chance. Shall I take you somewhere?”

It didn’t occur to Alex in that moment that he could have politely declined. Surprising a diviner is near impossible, despite Morden managing quite well today, so he didn’t have a logical answer prepared. Instead he said “Just my shop would be nice, I think.”

Never mind he could have gated there himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had and still kinda have doubts about how convincingly I wrote this one but I hope you enjoyed it!


	4. Chapter 4

Lunas eyes seemed at risk of popping out their sockets when the storage room door opened and Morden stepped out, holding it for Alex. He could tell she wanted to say something, but was at a loss for words and unsure of the situation. Morden strolled through the aisles, trailing his gaze over crystals, herbs and trinkets.

“I’ve been interested in seeing this place for a while. It is quite a unique idea to hide in plain sight like this.”

“Most have called it stupid” Alex remarked half shrugging.

“Everybody is entitled to their own opinion, I suppose.” Morden finished rounding the shelves and headed back towards Alex. For a strange moment Alex thought he’d put a hand on his shoulder blade again to guide him somewhere but instead Morden handed him back the gate stone that let them step through the wards on the house.

He turned back to face the store again.“Congratulations on passing your Journeyman tests, young Mage…”

“Vesta”

“Mage Vesta.” Morden nodded at Luna. She had obviously regained her composure but Alex knew she still didn’t know what to think of this by her stance, stiff shoulders and carefully rehearsed polite face.

“I understand you are quite close.” Morden continued, authority slipping into his voice that Alex couldn’t have ignored if he had tried. “It is important that Verus will eat something and possibly rest.”

At that Lunas face slipped again, her eyebrows going up and head tilting towards Alex. “Oh?”

To Alex’ dismay her tone was unmistakably mocking. It was short lived though, as she immediately went back to addressing Morden politely.

“Alright, I’ll do what I can. Thanks.” At least she swallowed the _I guess_ part. She had never been great at accepting authority and didn’t take kindly to being threatened so her restraining herself this much was probably a win.

“I’ll leave you to it then. Have a good day and goodbye.” Morden started heading for the front door. He stopped with his hand on the door handle already to turn back. “Verus. I expect you to take better care of yourself in the future.”

For an absurd moment Alex felt like responding _Yes, Sir_. The still present, sharp authority in Mordens voice would have made him jump if he hadn’t been prepared by his divination. Luckily he didn’t do either and Morden left. They watched him walk down the street and out of sight.

-

“Okay, seriously Alex. What the fuck.” Luna shook her head, half dumbfounded and half grinning. She had closed the shop the moment Morden was gone and made Alex tell her the whole story.

“I don’t know if I should get mad because you’re being too damn stubborn to just let yourself get fixed up and be safe and capable or if I should start making fun of you for wrapping _the_ most influencial dark mage around your little finger without trying.”

Alex started to protest, mortified, but had to stop because he would have choked on the sandwich Luna cobbled together.

“Oh come on” She mocked, “You and your mysterious aloof act, always brooding, always standoffish, keeping to yourself, dropping some damn good threats when you do get pulled into conversation? Had to eventually work on someone. Although I really didn’t expect it to be _Morden_ of all people.”

“I am _not_ standoffish and always brooding!” Alex felt his face warm up. Only now, after repeating it all to Luna, did the proper amount of embarrassment settle in. He still would rather focus on that though than the potentially dangerous implications.

“You totally are the second you’re in a room with Light Mages. Must have worked like a charm when that tall, dark and handsome -façade cracked. Did you have that puppy dog eye look? I can imagine it so well.”

Alex focused on his food and made some grumbling noises. Then he felt a small stir of magic before Luna put her arm around his shoulders and squeezed.

“I’m glad it went like this. I’m glad you’re okay.” Her voice was soft and comforting.

She let go again, neatly pulling away the tendrils of mist that loosely wafted over him during the touch.

“Who cares if Morden fancies you, as long as it means you’re not in danger while working there I’ll take it.”

The playful mock had left her voice and was replaced by a bit of genuine optimism. Alex was once more thankful for her seemingly endless cheer. She’d really made a difference in keeping him positive, especially these last few weeks.

-

Alex’ thoughts drifted while he felt Annes light touch on his skin. His eyes closed, he tried to focus on nothing in particular while the strain and bone deep fatigue slowly melted. He steered himself away from worry about not being able to sustain his own body without his friends help. He was going to relax, goddamn it. If he wanted to avoid further breakdowns in front of Morden he had to address this.

He felt Annes magic retreat and the world around him sharpen again. Trying to hold on to the nice feeling of rest just a little longer, he kept his eyes closed and his breath slow and deep.

“…should have seen it, he held the door for Alex and all!”

He cracked an eye open to glare at Luna. So much for rest and relaxation.

“I don’t know how to feel about this.” Anne said in her thoughtful voice. She patted Alex shoulder and added “Please be safe.”

“Believe me, I’m trying.”

They sat together a little longer in Annes small, plant filled living room. The apartment had become so familiar, so comforting during the last months. Being here always felt like a little vacation from his life, even today, after Luna had practically dragged Alex here as soon as Anne would be home.

There were some homemade cookies on the table and Alex reached out for them, the usual hunger after getting some life magic treatment settling in. Anne took it as a cue to fetch the meal she’d prepared from the kitchen.

“You’re an angel, Anne, you know that?” Alex sighed while grabbing the plate from her hands. She smiled.

“Almost like I’ve done this before and knew you would need some food. Did you find out something more about that rabbits foot?”

Seeing how Alex was busy shovelling down his plate Luna answered. “Not really. Alex and Landis both said it’s not smart to just go around announcing you got one, so figuring out where it came from is kinda impossible without making us a target. Everything I found basically just says it’s a good luck charm. Effects go from making a person impossible to hit to having them win the lottery. Knowing how these things usually go it probably turns against you at some point, like with the monkeys paw.”

Alex, in between bites, added “Especially after seeing how your curse reacts to it. Almost like it neutralizes it. I haven’t seen that before.”

“What does that mean though?” Anne asked. “Lunas curse is meant to protect her. It already gives her good luck. So the rabbit foot rejects that? Or is it the bad luck to others aspect that doesn’t combine well?”

“Lunas curse is Chance, not Luck, at its core. Maybe the types of magic just don’t mesh?” Alex mused.

“Well, we’re not touching it, we have no intention to use it, we’ll lock it up with the other dangerous stuff and hope nobody ever finds out.” Luna shrugged “I’m not really getting anywhere without drawing more attention so we should probably leave it at that. Maybe I can do some long term digging, do some research or ask questions every few months so nobody notices a sudden interest in that sort of thing?”

“That’s probably best for now.” Alex agreed. He scraped the last bits off his plate and then got up for a second helping. When he came back Anne would bring up a new topic. He could tell she was waiting for him to be part of the conversation.

“When I was on that scope out this week with Cinder he said the Council is in preparations for a ball. Do you think we’re supposed to come?”

“Not just a ball, it’s an official Reception.” Alex grimaced as he answered. He had tried to forget about it and wasn’t happy about having it brought back to mind.

Luna raised her brows. “So?”

“It’s going to be multiple days, in preparation and as backdrop for some official political talks with international members of mage society.” He sighed. “Morden will have to attend as member of the Junior council. Which means I probably have to, too.”

“So we probably won’t get in.” Anne stated. She didn’t look too happy either.

“I have no idea. I’ve never been involved enough with the council to do this before. It’s likely invitation only.”

“Well, maybe we can get an invitation. Vari might be there as a keeper, he could bring one of us?”

“He will probably be on duty as a keeper.”

“Damn…” Luna said.

“It’s not just that. They’re taking their formal host role very seriously so everyone will have to get dressed up. One night will be a masked ball. It’s so antiquated.”

Annes eyes lit up. “That sounds really fun. For a council event, I mean.” She added quickly.

“You think?” Alex sounded very sceptical.

“Yes! With a bit of luck you won’t get recognized and cornered as easily as on other council events.”

Luna was doubtful as well. “No way that would ever work. Everyone knows who else is on the council. It doesn’t work like in those comics where you put on a pair of glasses and suddenly no one recognizes you.”

“I mean, there will be a lot more people than usual. Mage politicians from a lot of countries are going to attend, it’s sort of an international networking event the Council is hosting.” Alex shrugged.

“Oh, so it _could_ actually work?”

“Maybe? I have a bigger problem though. I have no idea what I’m going to wear. I can deal with formal dress but somehow making a costume with mask look appropriate? I doubt I can just wear a suit and a pair of sunglasses.”

“Oooh, we can totally come up with something together. That sounds fun!” Lunas excitement was bubbling over, making even Anne light up smiling.

“You could be the Phantom of the Opera…”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the almost one month wait, I did not realize how much time had passed. Just shoot me a message on tumblr or Discord next time I leave for so long - oh yeah there is an Alex Verus discord now btw. We have fun there, come join! Made by tumblr user @arcana-emporium:  
> https://discord.gg/6Hps4Kr
> 
> Extra long chapter to make up for the wait!

That night, when Alex finally layed down, sleep came almost instantly. Even with Anne restoring the weeks of bad sleep it had still been a long and taxing day. He barely finished thinking about how glad he was to be in his own flat, laying down in his own bed, having nothing else to do today other than simply rest. A deep sigh escaped him.

The dream he sunk into felt remarkably clear. Alex found himself on a familiar piece of land out in the country. One look at the mountains and woods in the distance was enough to make his heart sink. He didn’t have to turn around to know what the mansion behind his back would look like.

He had gotten away. Why did he have to keep coming back here?

“Why do you come back here?”

Alex kept his eyes on the distant chain of mountains as Morden stepped up next to him, following his gaze. Out of the corner of his eye Alex saw the wind mess up that perfectly combed hair. His form shifted and blurred when Alex tried to focus on him.

“It’s like part of me never left, I think.” He hadn’t known he was going to say that. He kept speaking without really making that decision either. “It doesn’t feel like it used to. I don’t often have nightmares anymore.”

The wind tugging on him felt soft and warm. The scenery looked almost real, except for the pale pink and purple sky and the way everything seemed a bit fuzzy. They looked at the mountains, the only thing that seemed in focus, in silence for a while.

“Looking out from here makes me feel calm. Everything is still happening and too much and too bad but here I don’t have to think about it for a little while.”

“I see.” Morden sounded thoughtful.

The light above them changed and moved and the wind rustled through leaves and fields.

“Do you feel like you need to come here?” Morden asked.

Alex thought about it. He felt almost at peace, his head pleasantly empty. But he could sense the agitation lurking at the edge of his consciousness.

“I think so. There are lots of things… happening.”

Morden nodded “Yes there are.”

“I’m worried about things not working out. I don’t know if I can keep them safe. All of them. I’m not strong enough to defend them from bad things.” Alex sighed deeply. “I’m trying. But everything seems to get away from me.”

They looked on for a few moments, until Alex finally added “I’m just so tired.” It felt like a shameful confession.

Some birds flew overhead, vague shapes and flat colour heading for the valley in front of them. The wind got stronger. It ripped on their clothes and whipped hair into their eyes. Alex felt the floor tilt sharply before everything got pulled away from around him. The image of Morden, the scenery, its smells and colours.

He woke up gasping and struggling. It felt like emerging from deep under water, lasted several seconds that passed like hours until finally he managed to sit up in bed. It took him a few more moments to regain orientation in space and time. The sky outside of his window just started to change from dark blue to a muted grey, his sheets and hair were slightly damp. The shock from waking up so abruptly faded only slowly. To help it along he clenched and unclenched his hands and rubbed his face. That was a _weird_ dream. He already couldn’t recall all of it anymore but tried to hold on to the bits he still had.

Waking up like this happened more often lately. Alex knew he wouldn’t get back to sleep, no matter how hard he tried, so instead he started peeling himself out of bed.

The pale morning sun just started to lick over the highest buildings when Alex stepped onto the council property. The Mage at the entrance gave him a neutral stare and Alex resorted to his court nod. When he started to work here, he had tried to ignore all council Mages he could. After a while he had tried being friendly and smiling to maybe break the general negative attitude everyone had towards him, but unsurprisingly that didn’t work and soon it just got kind of depressing. So Alex had settled on single nods as his acknowledgement of most the people here. Some even returned the polite gesture after getting used to the concept of him and Morden being around now.

Alex wasn’t sure he had ever been this early. He could have gone to see Anne before work but after yesterday and this morning he didn’t feel like facing anyone just yet, not even her normally so grounding presence.

The halls were completely dead. No sane person came in before dawn had properly finished.

Well, Alex wasn’t going to complain about it. Maybe he would even be earlier than Morden, which would suit him really well. He didn’t remember his dream too well but he knew it had been about Morden again and it left him feeling incredibly awkward about having to face the dark mage so immediately.

Man, maybe Luna was right and he worked too damn much, if he had stress dreams about his boss more nights than not.

To his delight Alex found the office he and Morden shared empty. That had truly never happened, Morden was always the first one in on the entire floor. No other councillor, aide or employee had ever seen him come in in the morning. Alex suspected it made them dislike Morden even more, for he made all of them look less dedicated in addition to his very presence being a disgrace to what the Light Council liked to think it stood for.

Alex pulled out his chair, looked at the piles of papers from yesterday. Someone had gathered them from the floor and dumped them on his desk. He’d have to sort through them all. Great.

He decided he deserved a cup of tea before starting, maybe even coffee. He had gotten more into coffee lately since he started feeling chronically exhausted. Today was no exception. Anne might have fixed the week or so of sleep deprivation but his latest unrefreshing night and draining awakening lingered in his bones and fogged his mind.

Coffee it was then. He started towards the kitchen down the hallway. Sometimes, when nobody was around, he closed his eyes to rest them a little and walked using his divination. It was one of the few ways his magic could sneak him a little physical relief.

It gave him a moment to rub his eyes thoroughly like a little boy. It felt absurdly good, until he made his turn into the kitchen door and the futures showed him the one person he had hoped to avoid a little longer. He hastily dropped his hands, then tried to smooth his probably very mussed looking hair and show no sign of the mixture of surprise and shock he felt.

“Good morning Verus. It’s quite early, isn’t it?” Mordens gaze trailed from his hair over his suit and the amused almost-smile told Alex he failed. He stood in the door for a beat too long before brushing past Morden to get a mug and start some coffee. The other Mage turned his attention to stirring his own cup.

“It is truly rare to see a diviner looking surprised.”

Alex could hear the smile still hanging around. He was acutely uncomfortable moving in this tight space so close to Morden.

“Maybe I was busy watching important things. Just cause I’m a diviner doesn’t mean I pay attention to just anybody I could happen to see.” He grumbled. It came out more pouty than intended.

“Now that’s hurtful. Am I just ‘anybody’ to you?”

He didn’t sound offended at all but Alex avoided looking at Morden regardless, busying himself with the cupboards. He could feel his stupid cheeks warm. He had really hoped to have some time to digest that stupid dream before facing Morden in reality. That dream had felt way too intimate for Alex to be around him and acting completely normal just now.

He tried focusing on the futures that would make this pass as smoothly and with as little embarrassment as possible while grabbing for the sugar high up on a shelf and starting the electric kettle with his other hand. Was there anything he could say back to diffuse the situation light heartedly? It was difficult to pick through the futures while Morden, currently watching him, considered saying or doing something. A few moments passed and Alex felt increasingly self conscious about his shuffling about to look busier.

Finally a little cluster of futures jumped out at him as Morden started to speak. He reached out a hand for the sugar bowl while he asked Alex for it. Alex knew as soon as Morden decided to ask and went to hand it to him, half paying attention to the possibility of their fingers brushing while keeping an eye on the kettle, which would come to a boil in a few seconds. He had to make sure to not bump it and spill the hot water.

Alex had a split second warning before their hands collided unfortunately and the sugar bowl began to fall. He was already on his way to catch it when it shattered on the counter and he saw the blood in his future. Not early enough of a warning to stop his movement, but just enough time to think _ah dammit_ to himself.

-

Sometimes you just have to look at the mess you made for a bit before you can figure out where to even start.

He looked at the glass shards embedded in his hand, the spilled sugar everywhere and braced himself for the pain he knew was coming. He had nothing left other than a huge sigh as the blood welled up. Shoulders dropping, he tried to scrape together the will to start doing something about it all.

After a few beats the kettle went off. Morden stopped it. He said “Stay here.” in that neutral, yet authoritarian voice of his and left.

Well, so much about bettering his performance. If he was very, very lucky Alex might get to chalk it up to a bad week. If he was unlucky he might not have to come up with any excuse at all.

There was nowhere to go where Morden wouldn’t find him if he truly wanted to punish Alex so he surrendered to his fate. His precognition wasn’t screaming yet, so maybe he’d be lucky like he was yesterday.

Holding his cut hand over the sink so the blood wouldn’t drip all over the countertop, Alex picked the biggest bit of glass bowl and one-handedly started putting the smaller pieces inside. He didn’t dare to focus too much on the futures now since he just learned he wasn’t able to multitask this morning.

Morden would come back about 12 seconds from now. Alex made sure to not watch the door.

“Don’t cut yourself, Verus.” He said calmly as he stepped up next to Alex with a dustpan and brush.

“Too late for that, isn’t it?” Alex made room for him to clean up the mess. He looked at Mordens slender but strong hands and waited for further instruction. It felt surprisingly peaceful to accept whatever Morden would do next. To not have to look for a way out and calculate how to conduct himself. He had already messed up, there was no way to reverse it now.

Morden moved without haste, every movement controlled and calm. Alex watched him put away the rubbish, wash his hands and grab some paper towels. Then he put one hand on Alex’ arm and navigated him to the closest chair around the table in the corner.

“Sit down.”

Alex did.

Morden took the seat at the head of the table, one corner separating them. He opened the first aid kit he had set down before cleaning the kitchen counter. Alex watched him take out and open the small packets. Morden covered the space between them with medical cloth and set up some tweezers, cotton wads, alcohol wipes, a small spray bottle of some sort, bandages and band aids. Then he put down a saucer he had taken from the kitchen and extended his hand expectantly.

Alex had been immersed in watching his hands set up the table; strangely fascinating. They probably never dropped things stupidly or shook against his will. Everything they did had such a precision to it.

“Verus, show me your hand.”

Morden looked at him calmly. If he refused, Morden would insist, if he really wanted to leave he could, but Alex didn’t need divination to know that would definetely worsen the situation. Being clumsy might be excusable but blatant disrespect absolutely wasn’t.

Alex glanced up at his face for a moment before complying and putting his hand in Mordens still extended one on the table, bloody palm up. 

Although cleaning out the few bigger cuts wasn’t pleasant it wasn’t terrible either. When Morden moved on to the small wounds with embedded glass splinters though, Alex had to breathe very controlled to not let a hiss of pain escape, to keep completely still. Morden held his injured hand cupped in his so he could move or still it as needed. His fingers tightened around Alex’ wrist when he had to dig the tweezers in. Alex closed his eyes and breathed deep, tried to focus on the flow of air and the pressure of Mordens fingers holding him.

For a while the only sounds were Alex’ breath and the occasional clink of glass dropping into the dish. Then eventually, footsteps approached. Alex looked at the door, back to Morden who seemed completely unhurried and still focused and then back to his hand. If Morden wasn’t going to prepare a reaction Alex didn’t need to waste his already limited attention on one either.

Lyle rounded the corner and slowed his step as he took in the scene. Morden kept his focus on Alex’ hand but offered a greeting in a casually polite tone.

“Good morning, Mage Trahelis.”

“Uhm, good morning Councillor Morden… Verus.” Lyle replied, caught himself and walked on towards the counter to prepare two cups of tea. Alex saw the futures move and change as Lyle tried to figure out if there was a polite way to ask what happened. Before Alex could come up with an explanation that wouldn’t make him look like an idiot or alternatively at least a snarky comment, Morden beat him to it.

“Verus here had an unfortunate accident. But no reason to worry, we are almost done here.” With that he put the tweezers down and moved on to applying disinfectant generously on all the smaller lacerations. It stung and Alex narrowed his eyes with a sharp inhale. Morden looked at him and for a moment seemed not really apologetic, but not quite as cold and detached as his gaze usually was. Which Alex must have misinterpreted because that was absurd.

Alex reached for the pack of band aids to patch his hand up himself but Morden batted it away.

“How would you do that using only one hand?” he almost scolded Alex in a low voice as he took out some butterfly tapes to close the one gaping cut first. His voice lacked real anger so Alex again didn’t resist his lead, settling back into waiting for whenever Morden would confront him about his unprofessional sluggishness that lead to this in the first place.

Lyle got done making his tea right when Morden finished wrapping up Alex’ hand. He still looked uncomfortable and Alex didn’t understand why. It wasn’t as if Lyle had accidentally interrupted something secret.

“Good day” He said, nodding in both their direction before hurrying out of the kitchen.

Trying to make himself useful, Alex packed up the first aid kit. His hand stung but compared to some of the nastier injuries he’d had in the past, this was barely worth mentioning. Morden got up to throw away the medical cloth and bloody glass shards he had fished out of Alex. Then, to Alex’ surprise, he picked up the still empty, abandoned mug and started making a cup of coffee.

“I assume it’s been another rough night, Verus?” He asked almost casually over his shoulder. Alex, not knowing what else to do, stepped up next to him and went looking for a refill pack of sugar, since Morden hadn’t gotten any due to his … accident.

“I suppose so…” To not think too much of his dreams, Alex busied himself with checking the future to see how Morden would take his coffee if he asked, then stirred one spoon in. Morden watched him out of the corner of his eye, then nodded approvingly.

“Diviner, hm?”

Alex was surprised to feel a smile tug at his lips. He should be terrified of Mordens wrath but somehow it felt like a very distant concept, in light of how the last days had gone.

“Sometimes it’s actually useful” he said, half shrugging. He considered examining this strange calm he felt, but pushed it away for later.

The first distant sounds of conversation started to drift in from the hallway. Footsteps shuffling over the expensive hardwood, doors opening. The building started to wake up.

They made their way back to Mordens office, Alex half a step behind him. Some office employees occupied the hallway with a cart carrying paperwork. Morden nodded at them and one replied with a skeptic look, the other hurriedly looked down.

Alex sighed inwardly. This job would be a lot easier on his mental state if he didn’t get treated like a outcast. Well, not working for a dark mage who extorted him into it probably would, too, but let’s be realistic.

Alex regarded Morden. This had indeed worn on him a lot and for quite a while. So much so that in combination with the constant exhaustion he had suffered through a panic attack – at work, in front of said dark mage at that. But Morden had not enforced any consequences, quite the opposite, he had been helpful and understanding? Which seemed so heavily out of character. Although… Morden _had_ made it a point that he preferred willing, cooperative employees so maybe he cared for Alex mental stability as well? After all, he would be a way better employee when he wasn’t freaking out about Morden gruesomely murdering his friends and family at the chance of making a mistake.

Lunas guess about Morden fancying him crossed his mind and although he quickly disregarded it, he could feel his face warm. It was absolutely ludicrous, no dark mage would allow himself such sentimentalities; attachments were going to be exploited by others. And yet. He felt the echo of Mordens hand holding on to his. His touch had been so precise, firm and gentle at once. It had felt nice to let him be in charge and not have to worry about his next step for a little bit.

Alex shook his head. It had been way too long since someone had taken the time to take care of him. He didn’t realize how touch starved he must be to enjoy someone picking glass out of his flesh.

They reached the office and Morden held the door for him. Alex nodded and avoided eye contact, fighting back further exploration of Morden maybe liking him. He was holding his coffee in the intact hand and pulling open the heavy oak door with the injured one would probably just make the cuts bleed again, rendering all the cleaning and dressing of his hand worthless. Of course Morden wouldn’t want to ruin the work he just did.

Maybe Alex was touch starved, and maybe it did feel good to have somebody take care of him. But why did it have to be _Morden_ of all people to fill this void right now? He was one of the most dangerous dark mages in England, dammit.

Alex sighed inwardly as he set up his desk to work. He really didn’t need additional conflict in his life, even if it was just with himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this thicc boy between 3 and 4:30 am so please forgive mistakes, but do point them out so I can fix them :) 
> 
> (also once again we're having fun with the books on Discord: https://discord.gg/6Hps4Kr in case you want to hang out or throw hot takes)


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